Who is not holding up their end of the bargain this season? Firstly, big ups to His Highness Tony Sage for everything so far this season. He is to be commended for having the guts to put up his own money for the club. I’d do the same but as I’ve found that my bank account has a red font, we’d only have four players in the squad, Siasia would be captain and to make the numbers our goalkeeper may technically be dead.

Has he put too much pressure on everyone else to perform this season? Maybe. I don’t think so. He wants to win. He’s a winner like me on Xbox 360. The only justifiable complaints I can think of are that 1) - We don’t have two private jets, one for players, one for fans. And 2) - I don’t have a specific Perth Glory writing contract paying millions. But we’ll rule Sagey out.

Fans? What are the crowd figures like this season? Going against the trend of most other teams this season, Glory’s crowds are averaging higher than last and memberships are on the up. The atmosphere is slowly coming back to The Shed but we’re still missing those awesome witty chants pre A-League. The fans are there though. In contrast Brisbane fans have obviously all got Smallpox. I’m counting the months until Central Coast fold. And congrats to Sydney, our largest city with over 4 million people and they manage to get less than 0.3% to a home game. Awesome marketing guys. I could hold a rally outlining the benefits of genital warts and more people would pay to turn up and watch.

Players? I give thee Andy Todd. If everyone gave what he, Harnwell, Good Coyne and I give each week then we’d be a lot higher up the ladder I reckon. Todd has been simply awesome. Some are saying he could rival Steve McMahon Junior as being one of our greatest ever signings. Big call. On paper we have one of the best squads along with Gold Coast and the Tard Victory. But so does my indoor team. If anything Glory lacks a creative midfielder. I’ve been keeping tabs on a young Spanish midfielder; Cesc Fabregas and he seems like just what we need. He seems able to pass to another player consistently. I know he’s injured but surely he’s worth chasing up as he looks pretty good. He’s currently playing in some minor league in South Scotland.

Anyway, David Mitchell must surely be feeling the heat around his Johnson region. He did wonders when we were in the shit and took over the reins with a resounding win over Newcastle. If we went to Newcastle now I reckon their under 14’s would beat us. The blind Under 14’s. Is Mitchell the problem? Who knows. I don’t give a shit, I just write these articles. Merry Boxing Day.