I’m going to ask for some money back from Perth Glory FC very shortly. You see like most of you I’ve paid for a season ticket to see most home games each of which, according to Wikipedia, normally last for around 90 minutes. Diving in a bit deeper during my research it seems football has two halves, duration of 45 minutes each plus referee judged stoppage time (Old Trafford excluded).

However my experience this season is that Glory have only played for around 40 minutes each game. Therefore, using the calculator program that came with this computer, it means I’m missing out on 50 minutes football each home game. More importantly it also means that the capacity of Suncorp stadium, 58008, is ‘boobs’ written upside down.

I was about to storm into the Glory office like a Liverpool fan into Centrelink and ask to get some of my very, very hard earnt cash back. But then I paused and thought about it for a short time. Then I played Xbox and forgot about it. Then I remembered again and decided not to ask for my money back. Think about it. I’m not just paying for 90+ minutes of football. It’s the whole Perth football experience.

I’m paying for saturated media coverage over the television, print and radio each day. I’m paying for the pleasure of having that age old argument with the AFL bogans at work who say there’s only one real football. Soccer players are ‘poofters’ who always fall over. I always say good luck at the next AFL World Cup. Go Aussies! I wish my son could play sport until he was 29 then have no knee, elbow or shoulder joints left and doesn’t realise ‘Ice’ is in fact frozen water. I tell them if I lived in Sydney I’d be having the same argument with a redneck saying Thugby League is the real football and soccer is for gaylords. There can’t be that many real football codes. There isn’t, there’s only one. And everyone in the world calls it football. Except the USA who think football is where a white guy throws a ball to a heap of black guys. Then the game stops every 10 seconds for 5 minutes of commercials.

I’m also paying for the friendly staff at the gates when I arrive at the ground who love their jobs. You know the ones who search your bags to ensure you’re not smuggling in terrorists, bottles of water, underpants, baby white rhinos, or a packet of chips.
I’m paying for the pre game entertainment where someone who knows nothing about the game tells us how much he loves it. I’m paying for the kind of helpful security ‘ogres’ who eject people from The Shed for breathing the wrong type of way. Also I don’t like to brag, but I saw a security guard smile once.

What I’m not paying for is top shelf alcohol with my mates in a Perth Glory bar hours before the game. Or any entertainment aimed at someone above 3 years of age or someone with more intelligence than an onion.

You see, the club does need all of my money. And you know what, I’m happy to provide it. Just give me my 90 minutes of football!

Harro